Why is life so hard? Why do bad things happen to me? Why have I been bombarded by tough stuff?
I have wrestled with God often about the death of my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police officer, who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. That’s the day my world exploded…….and then crumbled. I had so many questions. So much grief. So many tears.
I did a lot of talking and questioning and struggling with God as my mind and heart gradually came to terms with the huge hole in my life.
I don’t think this wrestling is unusual. In fact, as I read in Genesis 32 of God’s Word about Jacob wrestling with God over 4000 years ago, I can relate. They physically wrestled all night. God and I have gone many mental rounds over these last 6 1/2 years.
Have you ever wrestled with God in your mind all night? Thoughts swirling. Stuck in frustration. Questions flying around. Emotions rolling. Tears flowing.
When the sun rose for Jacob in the morning, God changed Jacob’s name to Israel “because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” Genesis 32:28b.
Then God blessed Israel (Jacob). God also wrenched Israel’s hip out of its socket while they were wrestling and Israel limped the rest of his life – evidence of his successful wrestling with God.
Like Israel, God has blessed me and given me answers and peace as a result of our wrestling matches. I have learned more about how much he loves me since my son was killed than I knew all of my earlier years on this planet. God is putting the pieces of my life back together on the foundation of these facts – He is good, He is always right, nothing is impossible for Him and He is working everything out for my good. I have learned to filter everything that happens to me in this world through these promises. This has changed my perspective and significantly increased my level of trust in Him.
God has also changed one of the names I go by – now I am a ‘Survivor’. I have a ‘limp’ – evidence in my life that I have successfully wrestled with God. With God walking beside me, I have overcome my questions and frustrations.
God has helped me experience His love and faithfulness in the deepest part of my soul. I may not understand it all but I trust Him with it all.
Thank you, Abba Father.